| not doing this |
[04 Aug 2006|12:53am] |
i'm done being fucked with.
last time
not happening again.
|
|
| hey |
[30 Jul 2006|01:07am] |
liz,
chelsea,
erin,
brian,
aj,
bobby,
you guys are my top six
best friends.
i love you,
thank you.
|
|
| well it finally happened.. |
[29 Jul 2006|01:10am] |
after a long wait,
i finally saw afi.
i didn't really know what to
think at first,
but the impressed me so much.
i figured they were going to play
all new stuff,
and i was going to be let down.
but out of a fourtyfive minute set
they only played three new songs.
the set list went
girls not grey
the leaving song part two
dancing through sunday
love like winter
kill caustic
silver and cold
total immortal
miss murder
i was up front pretty much in the center
and me and davey made eye contact
throughout the entire set
he looked at me
and pointed while singing
the first verse of miss murder
i don't think i've ever cried like that
ever, or had goosebumps anywhere near that.
seeing afi
was a life changing thing
now all that's left to do
is to meet them, witch will happen someday.
believe me or not.
brian,
i finally saw afi
|
|
| i love early morning insomnia |
[27 Jul 2006|04:26am] |
tonight went really well,
lots of neat kids that i don't see very often.
i saw alissa a lot today
hopefully we'll get to do something tomorrow,
that would be nice.
i go to see afi in one day.
it's four thirty and i miss you
let’s sit on stranger’s rooftops,
for hours and hours,
watching cloud shapes go by.
as they dissipate, and leave only
the stars and the streetlights
as our only light source.
|
|
|
[26 Jul 2006|04:45am] |
denny's tonight was pretty radical.
bobby and i rule, no questions asked.
thank you to everyone that came,
very much.
today was a good day for the most part,
it was nice seeing whitney for a while.
i don't ever get to do that, ever.
tomorrow?
make it sweet, deal?
girl, i miss you.
i always imagined you in dreams
as vivid colors, that formed paper light blue
whales, that swam through seas and oceans.
that always did end up on land,
where we ran across fields of sunflowers.
and we crashed to the ground,
sending every pedal flowing in the wind.
as i thought to myself silently.
“i like, me and you, not you and i.”
strange, but funny, how that has nothing to do
with anything i’ve been talking about.
i always imagined us as watercolors,
with forests full of trees, and leaves that never fell.
you took my hand and whispered softly,
“i like you, and only you. theirs no
me and you, or you and i. theirs only this and now.”
She said
“i like it best, i must confess as just ‘us’ anyhow.”
|
|
| duude right now |
[23 Jul 2006|08:43pm] |
i look freakin' hot right now,
seriously.
i know i sound conceided but i don't even care.
i did my hair, and it loooks freakin' good.
hahaha.
i need to go do something,
sitting at home like this is a waste.
|
|
| sex appeal and sink drains |
[22 Jul 2006|06:12am] |
it's six o' clock,
their is nothing to do at six o' clock.
other then think,
..and think,
...and think.
i've written a lot lately,
none of it will be shared soon though.
unless their's a purpose and a place,
my dad and his girlfriend told me to carry a tape recorder.
and constantly write things down,
to later write a book.
they said kids would love it,
and would relate to it and follow it
not a bad idea, but i don't have a tape recorder.
why do i feel like i'm the only person in exsistance right now?
their has to be another human being up right now,
at this moment thinking and doing acting the same way i am right now?
doesn't their?
....maybe not though?
i watched this show
corwin's quest,
and it was an hour about the yetti
and his quest to search for it
and proof of it's exsistance and what-not
and i totally believe that it's real,
and is really out there.
but it's lived it's whole life being chased after,
and people trying to look for it.
and intruding in on it's territory,
where it was their long before we were.
wouldn't you try to hide too?
...i know i would.
i don't have sex appeal
..and sink drains annoy me.
|
|
|
[09 Jul 2006|12:09am] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
 sore |
] |
i wish i could forget about things sometimes
it would make the present and future easier
i tried to love you and i've failed
but i have another plan.
|
|
| survey |
[23 Jun 2006|05:16pm] |
[basics]
name: ryananthonyfeagin
age: 17
location: room
height? Shortist kinda
weight: skinny kinda
eye color: blue
nationality: I donno
natural hair color: blonde
hair style: mine
do you dye your hair: yes
do you wear contacts/glasses: no
schooling? ha
desired occupation: soon
job: soon
tattoos: soon
piercings: lip nose ears stretched
tattoos you want: lots
piercings you want: lots
religion you were raised under? mine
religion you are now if any: mine
zodiac sign: aquarius
birth date: January thirty first nineteen eighty nine
boyfriend/girlfriend?: noo
siblings?: sister
[intrests]
what do you do for fun?: everything
any hobbies?: drums
do you collect anything?: drums
what do you do when you hang with friends?: everything
do you watch tv?: not really
favorite shows? mythbusters
do you listen to music?: yes
fav bands?: afi
favorite songs?: afi
do you watch movies?: yes
favorite movies?: yes
prefer to rent or go to theater?: theater with friends, rent with one friend
favorite actors?: Johnny dep
favorite actresses?: reese witherspoon
do you watch cartoons?: yes
favorite cartoons? Fairly oddparents, angry beavers, all the classics
do you like anime?: noooo
what are your favorites?: noo
do you like sports?: eh
what are your favorite sports?: eh
do you read?: yes
favorite books?: harry potter
do you play video games?: sometimes
any favorites?: ehh
how often do you go on the internet?: lots
any fav websites?: www.myspace.com/ryanisamazing
[love]
do you have a boyfriend/girlfriend/lover/husband/wife? noope
whats their name? no
how did you meet? Not yet
how long have you been together? noo
how long do you want it to last? forever
what do you see in your future? love
how far have you gone with them? noo
are you in love with them? yes
best memories with them? noooo
what do you love most about them? Not yet
do you trust them? yes
do you think you will some day marry them? yes
[beyond friends]
do you have a best friend? yes
whats their name? yes
who are you close friends: yes
do you have any online friends: duuh, all 356098 of them
who are they: yes
who are your closest online friends? yes
what friends can you talk to about anything: joey =]
what friends do you fight with a lot: umm noo
what friends are most like you: joey
do you have many friends or just a few? many
do you want more friends? Yes please
what do you like to do with your friends? evvverything
where do you like to go with your friends? evvvverwhere
[spiritual]
do you have a religion? yes
what is it? mine
believe in god/gods and or goddess/goddesses?: god
do you believe in heaven/hell?: oh yes
reincarnation?: noot really
spirits/ghosts?: yeees
karma?: I believe in coincidences
the law of 3?: sometimes
the 10 commandments?: sure dude
angels?: yes
how long have you believed in what you believe currently? As long as I can remember.
do you believe in fairies?: umm
the existence of a devil? yes
an afterlife?: yes
what do you think of other religions?: they’re ok
do you think your religion/belief is the RIGHT one?: God, I hope so
[family]
do you get along with your parents? ummm
are they still married? no
do you listen to what they say? ehhh
are you close with them? um
are they good parents? suush
any siblings? yes
how old are they? 13
do you get along with them? Sooometimes?
[favorites]
favorite colors: green, and bluuue
favorite foods? Pizza rolls
favorite drinks: tea
favorite scents: girl stuff
favorite time of day: 12 am – 6 am
favorite day of the week: fridays
favorite season: autumn
favorite month: September or october
favorite holiday: Christmas or halloween
favorite restaurant? Fiesta ranchero
favorite stores: friends closets
favorite brands: I donno
favorite magazines: cosmo
favorite piece of clothings: my shine.fm shirt
favorite piece of jewelry: braclets people make for me
[ "are you..."]
creative? I hope so
logical? Not for the most part
rational? ehhh
melodramatic? Maybe?
crazy? ha
nice? I hope
bitchy? sometimes
happy? yes
sad? Not really
mean? When I need to be
loving? yeees
romantic? When I want to be
friendly? very
unique? probably
dark? I’m white nigga
intresting? suure
cynical? noooo
hateful? Hateful?
promiscuous? hahaha
stoned? nooo
drunk? Fucking right
fake? noooo
real? God, I hope so.
truthful? For the most part.
[other quetions]
do you love yourself? yes
do you love your life? yes
do you have any pets? yes
do you want more pets? yes
favorite animal? foxes
do you care what people think of you? Not really
do you follow trend? Dude, I’m am sooo xscenex
what do you value most in life? friends
what do you enjoy most in life? friends
do you value your individuality? DUUH
do you like shopping? ha
do you love money? ha
do you wear prefume/cologne/body spray? axe
do you shower/bath? sometimes
how often? sometimes
do you paint your nails? sometimes
what colors? Black or whatever else someone else paints them
what kind of clothes do you wear? Cool clothes
if you had to label yourself what would you say you are?
do you drink coffee? yes
do you drink soda? sometimes
tea? yuuuuum
do you use lotion? For sex?
favorite flowers? Tiger lillies
do you like the sims? What?
favorite gem stone? What?
do you like candles? I like how they smell, but they make my skin feel weird
do you eat breakfast? I don’t eat
what are your views on abortion? Don’t ask
gun control? What?
peace? Is cool
george w. bush? Looks like a monkey
the war? lame
where do you want to go/countries you want to see? lots
what do you want to do before you die? Lots of stuff
are there any celebrities you'd like to kill? maybe
who and how would you kill them? I donno, and painfully
how easily do you trust people? eh
do you like people? duuh
are you popular? I’m fucking famous
how many dvds do you own? I don’t own anything
cds? nope
do you like horror movies? Of coarse, story of my life
any favorites? yes
have you ever had braces? no
how often do you brush your teeth? Not once
do you floss? My ass
are you afraid of needles? no
when are you getting your next/first/any tattoos? Chest piece
when are you getting your next/first/any piercing? Other side of my lip
do you think tattoos are sexy? Gross as fuck
do you think piercings are sexy? Nope never
are you addicted to surveys? I’m addicted to cocaine
crazylife
carnival today,
joey!
get crunk
|
|
| insomina gets old |
[23 Jun 2006|04:49am] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
drained |
] |
| [ |
music |
| |
nothing |
] |
joey comes home today, good.
i'm excited, i need him more then he can imagine.
not sleeping gets old fast,
i can't help it.
i try to go to bed,
night after night.
but it doesn't work,
i'm sick...i know it.
but i don't know how to fix it.
oh well.
|
|
| lonely. |
[22 Jun 2006|04:39am] |
joey needs to come back,
i miss him like crazy.
i need to have good conversations
with a few certain people soon.
i'm so sick of hearing
"ryan i know someone that likes you"
or
"ryan, their's so many people that like you."
ok, yea i get it. whatever.
but i need someone to like me, ..for who i am.
not for being something.
i need a girl like first,
and for her not to like me back at first.
so i have to work and wait,
so it'll be worth it.
and i know it'll be right,
a challenge.
something not normal i guess.
to much to ask for?
|
|
| fdlajkf english again. |
[18 May 2006|01:07pm] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
 curious |
] |
| [ |
music |
| |
whatever's on the radio |
] |
girlfriend, last night when you told me to stop by.
i was standing outside,
throwing rocks at your window.
and a big old icky spider,
hung from a thread.
with a big old crooked smile says
"she's fast asleep in bed,
dreams of rainbows, robots, pirates, and monsters fill her head.
where unicorns have two horns, and they'll sweep you off your feet.
catch a ride on a lightning blot you'll be in for a treat."
but i said "hey spider!"
"mhmm"
"i need to leave, man it's getting late!"
"it's ok their's a juicy fly up there ready to be ate."
before i left i squished that stupid spider,
we'll just call it fate.
|
|
| english? |
[17 May 2006|01:40pm] |
| [ |
music |
| |
making balloon animals |
] |
we sat on benches and played in the tubes
doing all the things that teenagers do
we kissed in the slides and held hands on the bridge
wishing for something more then this
laughing on teeter-totters to nothing that matters
i pushed her on the swing as she yelled "higher, higher!"
i couldn't even expect what happened next
but the girl that was there was gone in thin-air!
i looked straight up with my mouth open wide completly in awe
i couldn't belive the thing that i saw!
it was the biggest brightest star in the sky
i new if i kept looking i was certain to cry!
my girl disappeared that night but i thought in my head
"boy, she hasn't ever looked so bright."
i sat on my swing till it started getting sunny
and i softly said "i can't see you anymore honey"
so i got up and started walking
a new day to fill with wonderful adventures
of dragons and nights and make believe pirates
or just sitting on the internet IMing
meeting cute girls, i hope they like tree climbing.
|
|
| good night. |
[16 May 2006|11:19pm] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
 for now. |
] |
| [ |
music |
| |
silence, it's nice sometimes. |
] |
i had a drumline meeting thing tonight,
as of now i'm the only drummer in jazz band next year.
if i attend, and that would be really neat.
i would have creative freedom,
and i would bring my drumset instead of having
to use the shitty school one.
and that means speed-fushion jazz with blast beats
and double bass...yes jazz drummers do that.
then after that i met with liz, mike, and kyle down
at the riverfront, we took lots of really neat pictures.
i'll post when they're uploaded.
hmm hopefully i'll have a good rest of the week.
and an amazing weekend,
jenny's birthday is tomorow.
and she asked to see me =]
hopefully it'll work out.
|
|
| hmm |
[15 May 2006|11:30pm] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
maybe. |
] |
| [ |
music |
| |
ex models |
] |
soo..
i've been thinking about girls a lot lately.
relasionships, etc. typical boy stuff.
and i'm not getting sick of being "single"
i'm sick of not having my own real girl here
with me by my side, you know.
you're one and only.
yea yea.
and i know i'm crushing on someone like
to the extreme, and magic mike is the only
one i've talked to about this.
and he says i have a chance.
yea yea, but maybe?
really truely, would you be her?
is it even possible.
we'll see, in time.
i've been crushing on this one girl
inperticular for a real long time now.
seriously, cutest girl i've ever
talked to.
i'd like her to be mine, =].
i'd sure give her everything i could.
or at least try.
i'd like to write an ending,
but their really isn't one yet.
|
|
| weekends |
[14 May 2006|07:22pm] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
cheerful |
] |
| [ |
music |
| |
nooothing, the fan |
] |
two day sleepover at liz's.
friday night we all raided liz's mom's grocery store
and got pizza rolls and sun chips.
then we all went to lizs
and cooked food,
and watched independence day.
kevin, chelsea, me and liz all slept downstrairs.
woke up and chelsea left and liz wasn't there.
so me and kevin kept each other warm.
no not really.
then kev left.
and i went home to take a shower.
ds;lkajf another sleepover,
sunday movie night,
we watched land of the dead.
now we're chilling here.
|
|
| so school blocked |
[12 May 2006|10:31am] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
tired |
] |
myspace, and all proxy severs once again.
but like always i'm sweet, and found out how to get through it.
cause i'm awesome.
fasldk;fj i hate school,
and it's only second hour.
i had to do group discussion last hour,
i think we did really good.
my group had to sit infront of the class,
and talk for 35 minutes.
augh, it was alright i guess.
dear summer,
please hurry up.
with love,
Ryan
|
|
| so long limestone |
[12 May 2006|12:02am] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
optimistic |
] |
| [ |
music |
| |
jazz |
] |
sure summer's comming,
but i won't be attending limestone next fall.
i'm go to an alt. highschool at ICC,
because if i tried my hardest and passed everything
i've screwed around so much my last few years.
That would still have to take two summers
of summer school, and another 9 week term
in the fall in order to walk at graduation
and get my unsigned diploma.
Not fair i don't think,
i relized i messed up at school.
but honestly, school's just not for me.
i can do everything, probably better then most teachers.
but i can't stay with it, it's boring.
and lack of motivation keeps me from actually doing
homework and etc.
people started telling me, "dude, just dropout."
that's not for me either,
i want my diploma, and i want to be a highschool
graduate.
so i'm doing what i think's best.
crazy stuff to think about; getting older,
jobs, growing up, ha.
i'll still have fun,
i'm not grown up yet.
but i do need to take responsibily for messing up
my last few years, and fix what i did.
and turn it into something that's really good for me.
support, or am i an idiot?
|
|
| first update in a long time. |
[09 May 2006|03:55pm] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
pessimistic |
] |
| [ |
music |
| |
silent |
] |
i'm finally going to try to keep
up with this thing.
it'll give me something else to do.
i'm going to cry.
|
|
| birthday time! |
[30 Jan 2006|11:44pm] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
super sweet mood =] |
] |
yay kiddie-poos
my birthday's in like 16 minutes!
17. mhmm.
my mom and gram are getting me a 150 dollar
guitar center gift card
and a 100 dollar gas card =]
whooooa.
gas.
for once.
anyway
i'm at lizzoooooo's
have been all weekend
and i liiiike it.
lots of liz
lots of chelsea.
mhmmm. <3
OH!
and mine and chelsea's party.
saturday, feb. 4th.
at owen's center.
go go go
6:30-9
then dance dance party at liz's after.
bring food, fun.
no alcohol.
laaaame.
but lot's of fun.
sleepover.
cuuuuuddling.
mhmm.
sweet.
go.
love ryan
xo
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